Marriage is hard. It takes a lot of work, patience, and practice to cultivate a good marriage. Yet, with just one small change, we can transform the dynamics of a relationship. Here is my story, along with my best practical tip on how to start a happy marriage life.
What NOT to do for a Healthy Relationship with your Husband
During the honeymoon years of our marriage, rarely did I ever pack my husband’s lunch. He was a Soldier in the US Army who rose out of bed before the sun presented itself and I was not getting up that early. I HATED mornings! However, there were a few times I tried packing it, but after getting my feelings hurt, I stopped.
These were the years he was so picky with his food. He didn’t like onions; his bologna had to be touching the mustard and the cheese touching the mayonnaise; only fresh vegetables; no apples; and the list goes on. Once I stopped packing for his picky self, he would eat out or I would take him fast food. In time though God and his word, Bible verses I decided to pray over as my role as a wife, put a conviction on me to complete this task. It was something incredibly small, but also incredibly large.
My husband worked crazy hours as a Soldier. Often, he left before the kids were up and came home when the kids were in bed. Unfortunately, this is something the majority of military wives have learned to deal with.
I missed him when he wasn’t home and wanted some way for us to connect while he was at work. He was often busy dealing with so many things that phone calls and text messages often went unanswered or were very short conversations.
My Best Tip on How to Start a Happy Marriage Life
So, I began to pour myself into making his lunch. Honestly, it was a good challenge for me. I had to plan out his meals – breakfast after PT, lunch, and some snacks in the event he worked late. The more I packed my husband’s lunch, the better attitude my husband had. Sometimes I would also write a quick note and put it in his lunch box.
He began sending me short texts throughout the day telling me how much he appreciated the lunch I packed. These notes were not always heart touching love messages for my husband, but just taking the time to write something to him truly mattered.
One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Marriage
He would tell me how it made him feel appreciated and loved. It wasn’t much and it wasn’t a burden on me. The lunches weren’t extravagant four course meals, yet it meant so much. The more it continued, the more it became a habit for us both. This habit has continued since his retirement from the Army. It is something incredibly small, but incredibly large.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband came home from work and said I was the only one of two wives that packed a lunch for their husband. I understand the dynamics of many families with both the husband and wife working outside the home.
Some women are not home all day to fix a lunch and I will get more into that in a bit. However, I found this incredibly sad that so many women do not fix do their husband’s lunch. On the other hand, my husband also knows other husbands who pack their wives lunch. Which I think is super sweet too!
As I set out to write this post, I googled “why you should still fix your husbands lunch.” Here are some of the posts that I found:
- Am I the only one who still fixes their husband’s lunch each day?
- Is my husband right? He expects me to make him lunch each day?
- Guys here’s why you need to make your own *expletive* lunch each day!
All I could say was “Wow!” I edited my search and googled “why you should still pack your husbands lunch.” Needless to say, I found some better ones, kinda.
Not So Happy Marriage Tips
Note before I start getting hate mail- I’m not insinuating marriages are failing because the wife doesn’t pack her husband’s lunch. Nor am I insinuating a wife has failed in her marriage because she’s not packing his lunch. This was a conviction put on me. Plus, I enjoy honoring my husband in this way.
Long ago I learned marriage is not a 50/50. Marriage is 100/100. Even when you’re not giving your 100, your husband should be giving his 100 and vice versa. Now let me be clear- I am also not insinuating husband’s don’t know how to make a bologna sandwich (although my hubby says mine are better than his). Besides, what could it possibly hurt?
I have heard it all through the years about this subject. Here are some I have heard:
- Why would you pack his lunch? Can’t he do it himself?
- Why doesn’t he just pick up something at work?
- That is crazy! I would never fix my husbands lunch!
- No way I am getting up THAT early to pack my husband a lunch.
- I work, too, and he doesn’t fix MY lunch!
- You homeschool, why would you fix his lunch?
- I am NOT Martha Stewart.
- I work too, why isn’t he packing MY lunch?!
Our Happiness in Marriage isn’t about What He Can Do
In response to some of the protests – yes, my husband could fix his own lunch. Although to hear him tell it, he can’t fix a sandwich as well as I can. Especially an instant pot curried chickpea salad sandwich, but I digress. lol When he was still Active Duty in the Army, he could pick up something most days when he wasn’t trying put out fires (metaphorically speaking). What options did he have, though? Fast food and something that wasn’t very healthy.
The Army wasn’t very kind to Soldiers who couldn’t make weight or pass their PT tests. This is the same man who can gain and lose 10 pounds in just a few days. The fast food options he had would soon turn into a habit and his energy levels were terrible, not mentioning his attitude.
It also took more time to run and get something and come back. Sometimes he would read and study his Bible during lunch, a book for his college classes, or do other things. I knew this and wanted him to take advantage of those opportunities.
Healthy Relationships with Husband despite Wives Working
I may sound crazy to some people. I can assure you that I am not the 1950’s housewife with a bow in her hair. Although I do enjoy being a keeper of my home and I also appreciate the sacrifices that my husband has made for me to be able to stay home with our kiddos. This is one way I can bless him while he is at work.
Many wives have protested my doing this saying they work outside the home also. That is a valid point. Many ladies do work outside the home and are run as ragged as their husbands after a full day’s work. While I don’t work outside the home, I do work a FULL time job at home keeping this site up, my Veterans Wife site up and the multiple facebook and influencer groups/pages I run.
I also run Christian Blogger Network with my brother, friend & assistant, Alexandrea. I speak around the country many on Veterans issues & PTSD. Also, I am a home chef and recipe creator. My boys are also getting older and involved in numerous activities throughout the week. Plus they volunteer. I also volunteer at church, community and veteran activities and am involved in Bible studies. I work a lot for someone who doesn’t “work.” 🙂
Marriage Success is Possible – Why Packing a Healthy Lunch Works
I found the blessings that overflowed from this small sacrifice of time was so much more valuable than the extra time I took to read another chapter in a book, sit with my feet propped up or waste time on Facebook. My husband often says that in order for blessings to come, blessings must be sent. This is so true! The more I did this, the more I was blessed!
When I began packing Clay’s lunch, I would wake up with him and pack it what I thought he needed for the day. Did I mention that I hate mornings? Eventually, I began packing his lunch at night. He would either have something I whipped up (i.e. sandwich, tuna salad, etc.) or he would take leftovers.
Did I tell you that mornings and I don’t get along? Packing his lunch ahead of time removed any excuses from not packing his lunch. It also gave me some extra sleep. Win-Win!
Clay has been retired from the Army for a couple of years now and I continue to pack his lunch to this day. Currently he is working 2nd shift at his new job. I fix us our big meal during lunch instead of supper time. I pack him the leftovers to eat at work or I make him something else.
How to Be a Good Wife – A Praying Wife
It seems we are in a constant state of rush and hustle. Rarely do we ever slow down for anything, let alone to smell the roses. I slow down for the 5 to 10 minutes it takes me to pack his lunch and I pray over his food as I pack. Then I can also pray for his day. I pray for this man I married who is my very best friend. Lastly, I can pray the food I prepare to send his way during his work time shows him a small glimmer of how much he means to me.
One thing too I might add. When we serve others, our children are watching. I promise. Every. Single move. When we refuse to serve they are watching. So what legacy do you want to pass down? For me, I want my kids to learn to serve even when they would rather be doing something else. Even when it is hard. Even so, be the hands & feet. This image below is a picture of a lunch my middle son fixed for his Daddy to take to work.
What about you? Do you pack your husband a lunch? Comment below if you do!