When I first met my husband we would sit up late night after night talking on the phone. Dreaming about a future together and talking about Gods plan for us. I just knew in my heart that this handsome Soldier of mine could not be anymore perfect and that God had placed us together. This was the man I had been praying for since I was 12 years old! We met and dated a very short amount of time and then we eloped. I was sure I couldn’t smile any bigger then the day I married that Soldier of mine! He looked so handsome all decked out in his uniform!!! I was sure nothing could burst that HUGE bubble of love around us!!!
My husband worked the day we married and that whole week prior at the time the job he had was exhausting both mentally and physically. He was so tired the day we married that he feel asleep that night….YES! He feel asleep and all these years later I have to remind him of that once in a while!! LOL 🙂 He felt awful and I cried like a baby!!! Then I tried to sooth my sorrows at Wal-Mart buying a picture frame for our wedding picture taken at the house of the preacher who married us.
Perhaps husband would have tried to make up for me being so hurt if it hadn’t been for the fact that I handled him falling asleep so poorly. I yelled at him….yes I yelled and cried, I cried a lot.
I quoted Ephesians 5 from the Bible. This was a group of scripture that my husband and I loved to talk about in depth prior to the wedding/elopement. However, my bringing it up at this point and time was because I was trying to show him the error of his ways. I was quick to point out that he should have been loving me as the church. I was right about that part yes? I was hurt. I was wounded. I was crushed and I wanted him to know that. There is NO way I could have been wrong in anyway shape of form right?
We had been married for less then 24 hours at this point…actually it was even less then that because I couldn’t wait till morning I had to loudly go into his one bedroom apartment that I affectionally called the dungeon. I made sure to make enough noise to wake him up….for those who know my husband you know that is almost an impossible task. Especially with the jobs he has done in the military. I was right to wake him up right? After all why wait till morning to show someone they are wrong after all the Bible says to not let the sun go down on your anger!!! 🙂
So who was wrong? Was it my husband who worked hard all week and feel asleep or was it the wife who had a fairy tale of what life would be like. You know the story, a lady meets a Soldier, the fall in love and she marries the man of her dreams with him in his uniform and they ride off into the sunset on a white horse…..and when that did not happen the lady throws a temper tantrum the size of Mt Everest!!! So to find out WHO was wrong and who was right we must look at scripture.
Prior to my husband and I getting married, we talked in depth about Ephesians 5. It was something that warmed my heart so much and it still does, to hear my husband read scripture. That makes my heart stop just hearing his voice reading the word of God….nothing like it. I am not sure where I got lost during this process other then maybe as soon as he opened his mouth my heart was busy putter pattering and my mind was on a wedding and I just focused on I am the weaker vessel…he must love me as Christ loved the church but what about my part in this??? What exactly does Ephesians 5 say? Starting at verse 22….
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
The beginning of this does not start with my husbands role….wait….WHAT!!!! You mean it starts with me???? YES!!! Paul addresses women first. We are to submit to our husbands. They are our head as Christ is the head of the church. We are to be to our own husbands in everything. WOW!!! That is strong stuff right there!!! We also cannot just stop with Ephesians….a woman’s role to her husband is addressed in other places throughout the Bible.
Ephesians 5:25 DOES address the husbands and says that the husband is to love their wives as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. But what if he doesn’t? What if he cannot because he is simply so exhausted that he needs the sleep more then anything else? Does that excuse us?
NO! The reason the woman’s role is addressed and then the mans role is because ladies regardless of what our husbands do, we are still called to do our 100%. Just because my husband fell asleep does that give excuse for my horrible behavior that night? Did I react in a God honoring manner? Did my husband need me to tell him how awful I thought he was for falling asleep and how bad he hurt me, and on and on? Years later when I look back on this, I know there are so many things I could have done different. I could have spent the time in prayer asking God to take away my feelings. No man can meet every need a woman has, that is why having a relationship with Christ is so important! Jesus will never leave you no forsake you! Did he leave me that night? No way, he was probably saddened over my poor choices!!!
Our beloved husbands are human, they will make mistakes, they will let us down, do they hurt our feelings just like we will let them down and hurt them. However if we handle things in a Christ like manner, life goes much smoother! If I had handled things that night in a God honoring way, I would not have said the things to my husband that I did. I could have honored him and respected him by allowing him to get the sleep he needed and spent time with him the next day! Wait….respect…where was that in those verses??? I know….I missed that part too I believe. It is at the end of verse 33 and let the wife see that she respects her husband….OUCH!!!!
In all of that there was no verse that says a husband shall not fall asleep….but oh my sisters it does address my awful behavior!!! God has laid out a beautiful plan for marriage in his word, if only we trust him to lead us. If only we submit to Gods will and direction for our lives and submit to our husbands in all things and allow them to lead, allow them to grow, build them up and not tear them down, and most of all respect them. See I don’t think that was at the end because it was meant to be missed, I think it was at the end because all men crave respect, need respect, and want respect. I think that is one of the most important things a woman can do for her husband.
So to that handsome Soldier who fell asleep— I love you beloved and am so thankful for our love and for you not killing me that night!